You are beautiful, sweet soul

Behind all my hair and makeup is a girl who has spent most of her life believing that just because I wear a size 8 jeans that I’m “fat” and that means I’m not beautiful. I never loved myself for me. I’ve spent years constantly picking myself apart while standing in front of my mirror and engaging in negative self talk.

Well it’s time to STOP. I made up my mind a while ago that 2018 is going to be the year that I truly love myself for me. Mind, body and soul. I want to love every part of me.

I felt convicted a little over a year ago as I was chatting with a friend about who she is and who God created her to be. I went on and on that beauty is on the inside and not the out. I believed those things for her but not for myself. Why is it so easy to believe things for others, but not for ourselves?

For me personally I got very stuck in the comparison trap. I would spend so much time analyzing and comparing my life to others that I tried to copy their life. I was never thin enough, fit enough or dressed cute enough. I believed I had to look and dress a certain way to be beautiful.

It’s no wonder I spent so many of my High School years feeling like a lost puppy, feeling unsure of where I fit in. I was too busy trying to be someone else, than being true to myself.

Comparison is straight up the thief of joy. You can be bopping along, jamming to Justin Timberlake’s newest hit and bam here comes a woman who has something that you don’t. You let that simple fact ruin your day. But you know what? Someone is thinking that about YOU.

Thankfully in College I decided it was exhausting to be anyone but myself. To be yourself is the most beautiful thing you can be.

It’s been a journey getting to that place of believing that being yourself is the most beautiful thing you can be. Getting out of the comparison trap is HARD. For me it looked a lot like deleting my social media for awhile and spending time standing in the mirror thanking God for the parts of me that I don’t love. I also tried to be intentional about genuinely complimenting the girls that made me feel a little insecure.

I clearly still struggle in this area from time to time because I’m sitting here writing about it. Although I’m no longer the girl who hate’s herself, I am a girl who sometimes still gets stuck in the comparison trap. More these past few weeks than I have in a long time.

Thankfully, the Bible and some good friends offered me these reminders about beauty and I wanted to share them with you.

In case you’ve forgotten or maybe you’ve never heard, here is the simple truth about beauty.

Beauty does not come from a number on a scale , the size of your chest or the amount of attention a boy gives you. It does not come from your best outfit, newest shoes or the amazing skin products you use.

Beauty is within you. It’s in your heart. It’s how you treat others when you’re upset with them. It’s how you encourage and lift up those around you. Beauty shines when you put others before yourself. Beauty is kindness. You are beautiful, sweet soul.

1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.” 

We can rest in the fact that we don’t have to be super model thin, with perfect makeup and great clothes to be beautiful. Our inner disposition is the ONLY beauty that matters.


Letting go

Do you remember the first time you got a balloon? You were likely a child staring in awe of the big, shiny, red balloon swaying in the wind. One day when your parents thought you were old enough they got you one. You felt a sense of pride as you strolled around with your new treat. It was all fun and games until you let the string slip through your fingers and up and away went your new balloon.

Learning to let go starts when we are children and we accidentally let go of our big red balloon. We cry, we scream, but ultimately we have to move on.

The past few months have been filled with a lot of letting go. Letting go of the life I knew as a college student, letting go of bad relationships, letting go of the way things “should” be at this time in my life. Letting go of control, anger, heartache and bitterness.
I could sit here and feed you some story about how great I am at letting things go in my life. That I felt as free as a butterfly because I never hold on to anything bad. But if you called my mom she would laugh in your face and tell you otherwise.
Letting go is hard. I’ve cried, I’ve screamed, I’ve cried some more. And that is okay. It’s okay to struggle with letting go of a relationship that hurt you. It’s okay to struggle with letting go of the life you once knew. It’s okay to struggle with letting go of your plan and allowing God to have control.
God never said surrendering to him was going to be easy but He promised it would be worth it.
Learning to forgive so you can let go of bitterness is hard. But the peace you experience afterwards is unexplainable.
Surrendering to the will of God for your life is hard. But the joy of the Lord consumes you.
Most times in life we have to let go of something in order to receive something better. Letting go of something and placing it in the palm of Jesus’ hand is a testament to our faith. It says, “Lord take this bitterness, anger, sadness, etc. and fill it with your grace and mercy. I am trusting you with this. I’m placing it in your hands.”
There are plenty of things that I am still working on letting go.
What are some things that you need to release to Jesus this week?

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19